


The guilt of talent

by wandering_soul_with_a_writing_goal



Category: unOrdinary (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Gen, Projection Hours, gifted kid angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:02:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27941960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wandering_soul_with_a_writing_goal/pseuds/wandering_soul_with_a_writing_goal
Summary: A drabble of pure Gifted Kid Angst, not really in first or third person but based on Seraphina's character. Projection hours 101 :)))
Kudos: 11





	The guilt of talent

It’s hard when you have no motivation, especially when you’re the one they expect to be the best. Your whole life, they look up to you, admire you, praise you, and you feel almost guilty to accept it because you’re not smarter for having better test scores, it’s just who you are. You don’t put in more effort than everyone else, but they look at you like you’re a genius.

You come to accept that, okay, you’re above the others, that’s just how it is. And then comes the part where you’re so scared to let that go that if you do, you’ll lose a part of yourself, or so you think. Every time you open your grades to check, you’re terrified that there will be something other than an A, because even though you hit all the assignment requirements on the rubric, it’s probably apparent that you just BS-ed your way through and that no, you don’t put in more effort than others and you’re not better but you still need that A or you might die.

And it’s still an A. The grade is still shiny and perfect, but you’re losing motivation and touch with yourself until you’re sitting in bed, no motivation to even get up or shower or eat food. Stuck procrastinating and hating yourself the whole time, because you can’t lose the top spot, you can’t, but you can’t really stay anymore either, can you?

And the thing is, you know that grades don’t matter. You know that some people who have C’s are doing better than you and that it doesn’t mean shit about your worth. But maybe your childhood just built it into your personality that Smart = Good, even when it’s not always the case.

And now you’re moving on from grades, or trying to. You’re letting some things go and making friends and having fun and valuing mental health for once. 

But that doesn’t erase the guilt, oh not at all, when you think your grades  _ might _ be dropping or an assignment  _ might _ be missing. (But of course, you could never let it happen.)

The difference is that now, you don’t care, but you still  _ do _ care. So you’re expecting the same results but less effort, and it’s not even your fault, and now you’re feeling depressed but you don’t have a formal diagnosis and it would be foolish to just assume that you have poor mental health when you don’t even meet all the requirements.

You haven’t done any work today, your brain keeps reminding you. You’re scared that your parents will see your failure, even if you don’t care what they think, or so you tell yourself. 

You cut your hair and dye it as a form of rebellion, but inside you’re no different.

You skip class, but it’s not because you want to, it’s because you just can’t go.

It’s nothing physical. It’s a mental thing. It’s the guilt of talent.


End file.
